"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
07/16/2020 at 16:33 • Filed to: satire, Taketheoutsideline
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"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
07/16/2020 at 16:33 • Filed to: satire, Taketheoutsideline | 4
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Nearly three years after being granted parole on Robbery and Weapons charges, former NFL player-turned-actor-turned-glove-enthusiast OJ Simpson announced plans Wednesday to “Re-launch himself” to the world under the #RetrOJ tag.
Making OJ Great Again
“This has nothing to do with the new Ford Bronco,” Mr. Simpson explained in a public statement via Zoom
!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!
, “It just felt like the right time to come back into the public eye now that everybody is bored at home and willing to pay attention to anything.”
Mr. Simpson continued, “Since we’re all talking about Ford, though, I am going to get a new Bronco. But only on one condition: That it comes in white. On that topic, have you heard the rumor that I’m Khloe Kardashian’s father?” he asked to a centrally-muted line of over a dozen assembled reporters while pausing for laughter. “And the Bronco really needs to have AC!”
“I plan to grow out the afro for the full retro look, then I’m calling up Hertz to do some new TV commercials, then I’m planning to get together with Leslie Nielsen and George Kennedy to reboot the Naked Gun franchise,” Simpson added.
Runnin’ down a dream.
Mr. Simpson then explained that he also plans to use his new publicity platform to raise money for social justice issues under his new nonprofit organization, My Life Matters . The group plans to serve as a community organization and education venue to help aid in public support, lobbying , and fundraising for the legal defense of one particular African-American man.
Accidentally leaving Zoom on a continued mute, he solicited questions from reporters, then congratulated himself on turning his life around, concluding “I might even run for President, now that they’ll give the job to anyone.”
facw
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/16/2020 at 16:49 |
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I’m planning to get together with Leslie Nielsen and George Kennedy to reboot the
Naked Gun
franchise
I know it’s a joke and all, but it’s still pretty mean to remind us that they are dead.
Steve in Manhattan
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/16/2020 at 16:50 |
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Forget who said this - when he committed himself to finding the real killer, they said he must think they’re hiding on a golf course ...
ranwhenparked
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/16/2020 at 16:52 |
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FWIW, I always thought OJ was a pretty good actor, if he did get cast in a new movie, I'd probably go see it, assuming movie theaters still exist.
ttyymmnn
> facw
07/16/2020 at 16:58 |
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I was never much of a George Kennedy fan. He ruined the Lucille scene for me in Cool Hand Luke .
My X-type is too a real Jaguar
> ranwhenparked
07/16/2020 at 18:12 |
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I’ve been enjoying reliving my childhood at the drive in. The ghostbusters Groundhog Day double feature rocked.
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ranwhenparked
> My X-type is too a real Jaguar
07/16/2020 at 18:18 |
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The last drive in in my state closed 20+ years ago, and we're more likely to see commercial airline service return here than we are to see that reopen. Apparently, it showed pornos for the last few years of operation, always wondered how those logistics worked.
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My X-type is too a real Jaguar
> ranwhenparked
07/16/2020 at 18:22 |
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There used to be one of those in Louisville you could see from I65.